Rubber Ducky You're the One

Greetings


When you think of Korea a few things come to mind: Kimchi, the Joseon Dynasty, Nuclear Bombs, and course MoGyoTongs. Since we can't afford any plutonium of our own we will have to hold off on the blog about the bomb. In the meantime we thought it was time to talk about mogyotongs. Translated, this term simply means bathhouse. But trust me when I say that they are much, much more than that.

Our experience with Korean bathhouses began in August when we discovered that our gym membership included access to a bathhouse as well. I guess I should explain a little more before I get ahead of myself. Korean bathhouses are very much a part of the Korean social fabric and not only help to clean millions of Koreans daily, they also provide them with a way to chat, gossip, and as we have learned, sometimes to even let loose.

All of this, of course, occurs while the patrons are totally nude. Yep, you read it right, bathhouses only allow birthday suits and smiles. They are also segregated by gender with men and women having their own floors all to themselves... which is probably wise considering the whole nudity thing.

Being from the west, and having never showered naked in front of people before we were a might bit nervous about enjoying this particular Korean tradition. But curiosity soon gave way to fear, and we threw off the clothes and hit the showers. This blog's intent is to allow you to see what a Mogyotong is like while keeping your own clothes on. Sadly, the managers did not take kindly to us trying to sneak the camera in, so I was forced to replicate our experiences with the use of Microsoft Paint and my uncanny ability to create masterpieces of art.




This is a drawing of what the men's bathhouse looks like. There are several dozen showers in one corner which do a fine job of recreating what the prison experience must be like. I've often contemplated selling soap on a rope outside of the building and seeing just how much money I could make. The men actually share communal bars of soap while the women have to bring their own. This is probably due to women being too sensible to share bars of soap with hundreds of strangers. But I find that once you remove all of the loose hairs the soap works fine.

There are four baths on the floor but only one of them can be used for more than two or three minutes. The mildly hot bath is great and I often spend 20 or 30 minutes a night there. However, the "Super Hot" bath hovers around 108 degrees and my personal record for sitting in it is around 1 minute or so. I can't actually report on the "God Damn Hot" bathtub as I have never actually sat in it. It's usually around 110 degrees and I've only seen one or two people use it in three months. I'm trying to master the Jedi mind powers needed to handle it but so far I have failed.

The last bath is ice cold and taunts me every time I walk into the bathhouse. I see it as a direct test of my manhood and force myself to not to only sit in it every night but to swim in it as well. This probably speaks a great deal about my own stupidity, but after getting beat up everyday by seven year-olds I need someway to reach my inner Rambo. The ice bath includes a waterfall that is activated by pulling a cord, and I often amuse the locals by trying to stand under it for several minutes at a time.

The thing that makes the bathhouse experience truly stand out are the characters that patronize it. In Korea white people still stand out and we're often a novelty no matter where we go. The bathhouse is no exception and children and their parents often stare or try their best to make conversation with us. One particular highlight was in September when a little girl sat down beside Jo and tried to talk to her using her two or three English words. What made this exceptional was that the little girl was eating a piece of meat on a stick and drinking juice at the time. Haha, I still laugh at the thought of Jo sharing a bathtub with a girl eating meat on a stick. It's against the rules of course but the girl's mother was nowhere to be found. Jo did her best to talk to the girl and to try to clean up the meat dribble that fell into the pool.

(My Beautiful Rendition of the Event)

As I mentioned the bathing experience is very social. Koreans help each other bathe in a manner that is different than we are used to. It's nothing at all for two men to help bathe each other, and fathers regularly help soap up their sons. I love my dad but Pamela Anderson will win an Oscar before I let him soap up my back. I think that's one cultural experience I will have to by-pass. According to our Korean friends, they grew up showering with their parents and think nothing of the experience. I respect their attitudes towards nudity but will need a little more time before I employ them myself.

Jo, on the other hand, was forced to come to terms with the shared bathing system at a much earlier time. She seems to have made a friend at the bathhouse who likes to walk over and help her bathe. The first time she just walked up behind her and started scrubbing her back with a loofa mitt, laughing at Jo's exclamations of shock and confusion. She does the same thing every time she catches Jo showering. This is actually a pretty nice thing to do here so Jo tries her best to go with the flow, but it can still be a little strange sometimes.

(I think I saw this in a movie once)

The Korean situation with nudity and same-sex touching is totally at odds with their views on same-sex relations. Homosexual relationships are not acknowledged and same-sex marriage is certainly not legal. But it's normal for men to hold hands or to wrestle naked in the showers or lather each other up. The first week at the bathhouse I thought I made a mistake and signed up for one of the ones San Francisco is famous for. Teen boys were chasing each other around naked and wrestling, and one night I even saw one guy wrap his legs around his friend and walk around the pool area wheelbarrow-style. I have included a nifty image of it below:

Not that there is anything wrong with any of this, but it's definitely different from the old YMCA back in Kelowna. It's also strange that with such a touchy-feely culture in the bathhouses that same-sex relationships are frowned upon. The coolest thing that I saw in this vein was a train of at least eight or nine men bathing each other in the shower area. That's something you don't see everyday.

(Chooo Chooo - All Aboard)

The bathhouse experience has been pretty cool all things considered. It's a great way to relax and after awhile the nudity ceases to be a big deal. A lot of this blog was poking fun at the mogyotongs but we really like them. We have been to a couple different ones now and each time it's been a great experience. With Europe and Asia's progressive stances on nudity, Canada seems to be puritanical by comparison.

In fact, looking back on things it seems really strange that we were once scared of public nudity. Nowadays it's just a part of the routine.

Hmm, this doesn't bode well for our return to the Canadian way of life. The YMCA will never be the same.

Cheers

Shayne