Odo, I don't think we're in Victoria anymore

When Shayne and I were preparing to come to Korea we talked a lot about culture shock. I guess we thought that if we somehow steeled ourselves against it, that we'd be fine. But to tell the truth we really had no idea what culture shock was. We thought that it would be merely finding the differences between cultures strange and annoying... but if we were just open-minded we could overcome it. This was not how it was, and this was not how it happened.

In fact, we didn't even experience anything overly uncomfortable until a couple of weeks into our stay. Before then we were too wonderstruck and disorientated. It happened when we decided to wander away from the confines of our apartment and find something to eat...but not knowing what. An hour later we had poked our heads into a dozen different strange restaurants but were still no closer to a meal. Everything smelled bad, or looked strange, and we couldn't read the menus. We just stood in the middle of the sidewalk wallowing in indecision, and begging God for a White Spot to fall out of the sky. We ended up eating fiery-hot kimchi stew, and hating ourselves for not staying at home. And that was just the first time it happened.

Anyways, the point is that culture shock isn't some general thought or feeling, and it isn't predictable. It comes up and smacks you in the back of the head at 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 months with feelings of frustration, alienation, and resentment. That being said, we've found some ways to deal with it, and although we are by no means experts on the subject, we have 7 months in a foreign culture and a captive audience so I think that's qualification enough. Here are our five easy steps to culture shock recovery:

1. Learn to love the food
When we first came to Korea the food looked strange and smelled even stranger. Thankfully, due to a boss who introduced us to a wide variety of Korean cuisine, and our willingness to try it, we've come to love (almost) every Korean dish we've tried. This has made the single biggest difference in overcoming culture shock here. How can you long for home when the food is so good?

But how did we bridge the gap between aversion to appetite? First, we were determined to learn to appreciate kimchi. Being the number one Korean food, how could we not? So, every time it was served we ate at least one bite. At first it was unpleasant, but now we can't get enough. In fact, we just polished off a 1 litre container of the stuff (donated by a student's mother) in under two days. Shayne's even talking about learning to make the stuff! We have seen the light.

(It's smelly, spicy, and strangely addictive.)

Second, we agreed to try everything once...except dog meat. That means that even when the side dish looked like something scooped out of the sink trap, we tried it; even when the soup smelled like feet, we tried it; and even when we were faced with a styrofoam cup full of boiled pupae, we tried it. Are we heroes? No. Do we need breathmints? Maybe. But what we did do was discover some of our new favourite meals in the process.

2. Know the rules - when in Rome and all that crap
Nothing will lead to embarrassment and frustration more than doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and having a dozen Korean faces looking at you in disapproval. Even though we have a bit of diplomatic immunity as foreigners, it's still pretty uncomfortable. So, we've done our best to observe carefully and to ask a lot of questions, so that we can avoid these situations altogether.

Probably the best example of this is driving. Apart from basic rules like stopping at red lights, speed limits and not crashing into other cars or people, driving is very different over here. It's the unwritten driving culture that's the most different. Back home you would be concerned if someone didn't have their lights on after dark, but here if they're turned off when someone's stopped at an intersection, it's usually on purpose as a courtesy to on-coming traffic. Back home if someone cut you off, passed you on the left to turn right (when you're also turning right onto the same road), or honked at you incessantly to get by when you're no way in the wrong, it would probably eat at you all day. Here, this is normal and expected. Also, back home you have stop signs. Here, you don't. Anyways, driving sounds really hectic and stressful, and at first it is. All I can say is after two months of driving around town, I've learned to become super-defensive and super-aggre...ahem...assertive, and I've been all the happier for it.

My point is, I could have spent the past two months insisting upon driving according to the North American driving culture, and flipped out every time someone did something "dangerous" or "aggressive" but I would have been a lot more stressed out. Sometimes we just need to chill out and follow someone else's rules.

3. Read up on the culture - Confucius say...
Okay, now this one should be obvious, but to be honest it's one we didn't pay much attention to at first. One of our biggest annoyances when we first arrived was how strangers treated each other...which is badly. Pushing someone aside, cutting in line (especially in the women's washroom!), and generally being discourteous (to North American standards) is all standard practice here. Now, we could have gotten used to it except for the fact that Koreans are some of the kindest, most helpful people once you actually talk to them. It was all very confusing and frustrating...until we learned a little bit more about our new friend Confucius. Of all Asia, Korea has embraced Confucianism the strongest. And one of the main facets of Confucianism is hierarchy. Hence stranger behavior; if someone doesn't know you, they don't know where you sit on the hierarchy, and therefore, you don't exist....ergo, no politeness necessary. Voila! Strange stranger behavior problem solved! And with one "aniyo haseyo" you enter existence and that cold Korean exterior melts into pure sunshine.

(The man who influenced millions.)

Anyways, apart from explaining away the mean woman in the grocery store, learning about this has helped us at work too. Employer-employee relations are very different here; they're very similar to a strict Korean family: our boss is the benevolent father (or mother in our case), and we are the dutiful children. Not that I would recommend this set-up back home, but it has eased the stress of some work issues, once we realised the cultural motives behind them.

4. Move past grunting and sign language


Learn the language. It seems so simple, and yet deludes so many. You'd be amazed at how many people spend a year or more here and don't get much past "hello" and "thank you." But, as you might imagine, learning survival-level Korean has gone a long way in helping us integrate as much as two whities in an all-Korean neighbourhood can do.

5. Create a safe haven
No matter how much you integrate, just like Odo you'll have to revert back to your gelatinous state every 16 hours. There, now both Shayne and I have outed ourselves as shameless Trekkies. Anyways, my point is that one of the things keeping us sane over here is the ability to "go back to Canada" once in a while. Our apartment's the main base of operations with North American food, books, music and TV shows. It's like a mini version of Canada.We even have a room that keeps trying to separate from the rest of the house.

We also indulge, every so often, in a good night of venting with other ex-pats about the cultural idiosyncrasies we don't yet understand and the things we miss about home. Just like a vacation from work, it all helps take the strain off. .

(The man himself.)

Well, there you have it. All the wisdom that two young Canadians living in a foreign land can muster. Even more so than the strange cities, temples, and various Korean oddities, I think the most interesting experience so far has been watching ourselves adapt to a new culture. It's been really difficult at times, and totally not what we expected, but perhaps the most enriching experience we'll take away from this year.

Take care everyone,
Jo