Not Allowed to Grammatically

Greetings

As anyone who has ever spent five minutes in Asia knows, the poor English language is as misunderstood as that geeky kid from the Wonder Years (who by the way isn't, nor ever was, Marilyn Manson). Everywhere you look English is being abused in some manner. Whether it's signs, t-shirts, awnings, or newspapers, there's enough things to fix to keep an Army of English majors busy for a lifetime (of course if you did that who would man the stations at McDonalds?).

I figure that as more and more people learn English this will all change. So I figured I better post a blog highlighting some of my favorite mistakes/oddities before that happens.

Check out the top line in this mini billboard:


Good old Mr. Pizza. Now that I know they specifically make Pizza just for women I feel a little left out. I wonder what special ingredients are included for our female friends? A fellow expat swears that he once saw a Mr. Pizza sign that included the standard "made for women" line plus something about breasts but I can neither confirm nor deny this.


Zoom in and read the last sentence in this advertisement for Ulsan pears that we saw at the airport.


Not only are Ulsan pears delicious, but they also "relieve thirst after drinking alcohol by promoting urination". Two words...utterly fantastic.

I wonder how they "promote" urination. Do you really need to promote urination anyway? It's not the sort of thing where one says "You know I was really thinking of giving urination up but then the pears...man the pears changed everything".




Forget discount stores. Discaunt stoa's are the way of the future. This sign is right outside of our building and it's made me laugh everyday for the past 11 months. That's probably a sign of my immaturity but then so is my giant collection of GI-Joes . The sign is made even better when you try and pronounce it in a Dracula-like voice. Go on, try it. You know you want to.


One thing that's really common in Korea is placing pictures of the animals they serve outside of restaurants. If it's a pork restaurant then there's a picture of a pig and so on and so on.

This one in particular caught my fancy because the damn pig's so cute. If anything it made me want to give up pork. The best part is how they put the pig over top of pictures of his innards. Something's just wrong about that.


Another big thing over here is the complete lack of copyright protection. So many brands are ripped off everywhere you look, that it would take hundreds of blogs to document them all.

This one's my favorite though. For anyone who remembers the greatness that was 711's fried Chester Chicken this is for you. Mmmm chester fried chicken. Alas, this poor knockoff has no potato wedges or anything that's akin to it's namesake.



This is from a previous post but come on "power internet praza". That's just gold.



Hmmm a hygiene washingtonologist, eh? I googled this term to see if it does exist in some form and all I found was a few online Korean dictionary links. Well, here's hoping that none of you ever have to see a hygiene washingtonologist or a hygiene newyorkonologist for that matter.



This is a special one. If you don't get it then just keep on reading.


One of my favorite television shows back home is the Biggest Loser. A great show where overweight people compete against each other to lose weight. I was thrilled when I found out they carried it in Korea. I was even more thrilled to find out it's called:

Man, the Korean's don't hold anything back. They tell you how they feel. That's great. They simply call the show "Fat". You should see what they call the Roseanne Show, ouch.



This one made the cut just to further demonstrate how far places go to rip off name brands. You might recognize the sign's layout from its better know home at Baskin Robins. What made this place truly special is not only did they rip off Baskin Robins, but if you look closely at the photo you'll see that they openly use Dairy Queen's logo, name, and menu. Of course nothing tasted the same but who's counting.


We saw this beauty at Costco:

"To make your family happy please try the heart-warming delicacy of Shilla Myunggua. Our efforts on little details will help you create a peaceful harmonious family life and share pleasant conversations".

Damn, I think my bread needs to start pulling its own weight a little more if this loaf can do all of that.



Nuff said.


God bless the Koreans and their openness about drinking:

"Broth to chase a hangover". They make broth to do everything these days.


Hmm not really sure what they are selling in this one, but I bet it's not legal:

Poor, poor exploited pigs.


Here's something you wouldn't see back home:

You see lots of offensive signs like this all over the place.



Read that and tell me it doesn't make you want to go and buy a bra right away.


Ok, like the bread before, this ice cream can really do it all. Check it out:

"Baskin-Robbins is for everyone. It crosses every social boundary, breaks down social distinctions. It draws people together into a common experience. And Baskin Robbins products are among the few that are enhanced when enjoyed in the company of family and friends."

Look, if your ice cream isn't crossing social boundaries and breaking down social distinctions I think you really ought to consider changing brands. The world doesn't need third world debt relief, it just needs more Baskin Robins.


Another classic:

"Look officer, I'm telling you the truth. At no time did I elderly!"


I found this one yesterday at the supermarket:

What kid doesn't dream about playing Spam Jenga? Come on, are you telling me you wouldn't want this? Spam and Jenga, together at last.

Well there ya have it. A few of my favorite English mishaps and otherwise unusual language follies. If this didn't convince you to thoroughly investigate that Japanese symbol you want tattooed on your butt, nothing will. If Asian writing is as messed up back home as its English relative is over here, then there's a lot of stupid Canadians walking around with symbols that mean god only knows what.

On that happy note I'm out.

Cheers

Shayne